Districts, Rachel's birthday, Napenthi

Been a while since the last update! Right now it is snowing outside and it's very pretty. It's been a very cold weekend, which I like. I like how there's never anybody outside, all you have to do is step out your front door to be in complete and utter solitude.

So here's the story of the last five days. On Thursday morning me, my chorus teacher, and the tenor who made District choir drove up to Southern Lehigh where rehearsals were taking place. I liked the guest director who led the group a lot, with these festivals it can be a little hit or miss, but this guy I really liked. He was an excellent conductor, had a good personality, and really made you care about the music, which is the most important thing. People had prepared the music pretty well for the festival so in general we had two very good concerts Friday and Saturday. We got to have them in this nice big church with a real pipe organ for us to sing along with. I'll be getting a CD with Saturday's concert, and I'll probably post some of the tracks for you to hear.

As for the re-audition for regionals (which is the next level up), I lucked out and they picked a piece for the audition which I had already performed at another festival, so I had a pretty good audition and I made regionals easy. Now I have music for that to prepare in three weeks, so that will be fun.

Thinking about it almost made me want to be a choir director again, at a high school or college. Luckily that feeling didn't last long.

Saturday evening and Sunday I got to be with Rachel again, which of course was very nice. She came back for the weekend for her birthday. She didn't have a very good birthday, in fact it was really quite lame. Sunday for a party we went to her brother's house, where her brother and father watched a football game, her mother sort of lurked (she's that kind of person), and her brother and sister tried not to be bored to death. The two of us walked the dog, played with some blocks, and argued about the gift I gave her. Wednesday last week I went to the book store with my father to get her a book. I couldn't find what I was really looking for so I bought her an art book about optical illusions and visual deception. It's a very good book, but she claimed I was thinking more of myself when I bought it (because apparently I like that kind of thing more than she does). What's funny is I thought I was just buying her a good book.

No presents at all (except what I gave her) to unwrap, a tiny ice cream cake without any candles, we didn't even sing to her or anything. I don't even know if anybody else besides me and her had any cake.
Well anyway, her family is in general pretty insensitive and tend to regard each other with tepid indifference at all times. I'm always trying to tell her that, that her family is fucking weird, but she refuses to see it until something like this happens.

Back to the book. Me and Rachel have a long history of her not liking anything I buy her. She claims I don't listen to her, that even her room mate at college knows what she'd like better than I do. Last Christmas, I got her jam, a Bible with anime illustrations, and a wind chime. She didn't like any of it. But I had reasons! I got her jam because I knew how much she liked toast, she was always telling me how much she liked toast, so what goes better with toast than jam. And it was even special fancy jam. I knew she liked anime, and she didn't have a Bible, and it was a little corny but I thought maybe she'd like a combination of the two. And I thought the wind chime matched the decorations in her bedroom. I remember her telling me she disliked wind chimes, but a single tiny bell at the end hardly qualifies is as a "chime", it's more like a mobile than anything (especially if its indoors, hence no wind).

But the gift flopped hard anyway. I think she should feel lucky to get anything, I mean, it's pretty rude to complain about something somebody buys you no matter how close you are. Especially a nice big full-color book that obviously wasn't from the bargain bin. It sure is a lot nicer than what, say, her brother bought her, which was nothing. Oh well, I guess from now on I should just go with more obvious things, things I know she'll like. But it's so boring! I hate boring things.

But of course later in the evening we kissed and made up (and out) (ha ha j/k). She said at least the book will be a good distraction for me when she's busy with something and can't lavish me with the attention I so readily deserve.

She left this morning, and I look forward to seeing her again, hopefully around Valentine's Day.

If you're wondering what Napenthi is, it's the name of my new band. Well, sort of. I met with Khai the guitarist today to try and get something a little bit organized. We ironed out what songs we are going to prepare for a possible live performance on the first in two weeks (death doom destruction). He talks like he's really serious about this and knows how to play. I have my hopes, and my doubts, but there's no reason to give up before you start. Today I'm going to prepare practice tracks for him, just bass drums and chords, so when we meet this weekend he'll have his parts down slightly so we can see if we actually have something or not. I'm not going to make any judgments on the potential of this project until we've both had time to practice. Napenthi is a botched spelling of the word Nepenthe, which is a mythological drug of forgetfulness. I may need some Nepenthe after this week.

This week being school show auditions and all. I've been trying to let my voice rest yesterday and today, since it was pretty well tired after singing all day Thursday and Friday. Tomorrow is a half day, we get out at like noon (for the end of the semester), and then we'll have to come back for auditions at three. During that time I'm going to practice the song and make sure I can still sing it. It is very high, mind you. I'm a little anxious to have it over with. With any luck I won't get a good part and I won't have to do the show, or I'll get the lead. One or the other would be ideal. I kind of hope the directors don't read this blog.

That's all for now. I think I'm going to go watch the snow.

_Dr. M

I'm Going Away

Only temporarily, of course. Districts starts tomorrow, so I won't be able to post again until Saturday. It doesn't feel much like I'm leaving. I'm not really very excited about Districts. I've been in kind of a funk lately, I don't know why. My computer is here, I should be happy as a school boy. Instead my feelings range from slightly dispassionate to a little depressed. Well it's not that bad. Maybe it's those post-holiday blues.

I've gotten into another one of these musical dry spells, and sometimes it takes something big to break out of them. You know what's funny is last year around this time I was talking about the exact same thing. From Christmas break to the middle of January it seems I can't ever get anything down on tape. Last year I broke out of it by recording one of the better things I had recorded in a while. This year I hope to continue in that same tradition. I have to force myself to record even when I don't feel like it, I mean hell, I'm going to be doing this for a living. This is going to be my job. I don't want it to be something fun I do on the side when the mood strikes me, I want it to be the thing I slave over every single day no matter what.

I know when I start making songs again that I want to experiment a lot more with sampling. I want to try and create a method of using obscure enough and short enough samples that I'll never come under fire for copyright infringement, even if I hit it big. Among other things, I plan on using sound effects from movies. All of the sounds you hear in movies, every foot step, every door closing, was recorded in a studio and slaved over until it sounded perfect, so why not use that in my recording. There are some pretty expansive percussive options there.

Again, not all that excited about Districts tomorrow. I enjoy rehearsing and performing new music though, that's why I do these festivals, so doing that again with a semi-serious group of fellow singers will be nice. However, I should probably stop writing and start packing since it's already pretty late.

I'm not really depressed. I think I'm just tired. I need to break out of this rut.

_Dr. M

A Slight Change of Heart

Today was the sign-ups for auditions for the school show. I went in thinking I was going to audition, but probably not get a good part, and if that was the case I wasn't going to be in it. But I've had a change of attitude after today's meeting. We discussed the audition procedures (they're next week), which I already knew, and we went over the songs we'd have to choose from to sing. I knew I didn't have a shot at Joseph, with my range it was out of the question. At least, everyone generally assumed it was and I was fine with that, there was at least one other guy who could sing it.

But as it turns out, all of the songs the guys have to pick from (and there are plenty of them) are too high. They all go up to high Es or Fs, I can't really do any of them comfortably. But oddly enough, the song that's easiest for me is one of Joseph's, Close Every Door. The few high Fs it has are placed within the phrase such that you could fudge them without sounding too bad. Don't get me wrong... you do sing them... but they're not in a place where you hold them out a really long time and get a lot of applause (like it is in some of the other songs). I can sing this song and sound pretty good.

Along with that, my experience from last year taught me what the directors are looking for when casting. I was trying to be subtle when I auditioned, understating lines and giving small gestures, but they don't want subtlety, they want you to put your heart and soul into it and ham it up. I get the feeling this isn't just what they want -it's simply how you act on stage. I don't know why it's taken me this long to learn that. Anyway, let's be honest, I can act circles around almost every person auditioning. If I go in there, sing my heart out, and emote as well as I can, who knows, I may actually have a shot at the lead.

I do this every year, I put silly ideas in my head about how I might be just what they're looking for and all of my short-comings will be overlooked. Every year I end up disappointed, and feel very stupid for thinking I had any chance at all. Well, last year I thought I was a shoe-in, I was so sure either me or one or two other people would get it, and I was very severely mistaken. Of course I still think I should have gotten it, I would have done a much better job than who they picked, but looking back I'm sure my audition really wasn't very good, or at all the best I could have done. In any case, I'm sure I'll look back on this post in two weeks and feel very stupid for thinking I had a chance.

But I think I have a chance. There are only so many other people who could sing the part at all (not many guys are auditioning), and I think I have a leg up on each of them. Once again I think (pretty damn sure) I'm the best actor of them, and with any luck that will come through in my audition. The one who could sing it best is too short and tiny to ever play a lead, which is really too bad since he could do a good job, I think. The boy who played the lead tenor role last year has lost a little of his upper range, and is very stiff on stage. I think he's my best competition, but it all comes down to singing. If I hit those high Fs convincingly, I think I have it in the bag. Then there's the kid who's played the funny roles the last two years, who really wants (and probably thinks he's going to get) it. I like him, he's a really nice guy, a fairly okay singer and a pretty good actor. And it's obvious the directors like him. But he doesn't sing like I can, and he has about the same range I do, he can't really belt high notes any better than I can. He has no real advantage over me, best I can tell.

I know I probably sound pretty full of myself. Don't get me wrong, I am. But don't get to thinking I'm all that gifted a thespian either. Reading High School provides very little competition when it comes to guys, you don't have to be good to get far. Anybody who's reading this is probably laughing, knowing a) the last thing I've demonstrated in the last three years is any kind of range I can actually use and b) they've never given me anything even slightly resembling a lead, and they're not good at breaking traditions like that. But judging purely from my own assessment of how I sounded singing the song today, I honestly think I have a shot.

Last year has been something very much on my mind ever since it happened. I hated the kid who played the lead last year. But now, being able to distance myself a little bit from it, I think a lot of my intense, passionate rage was simply due to me not getting the part, when I thought I could have done a really good job, and on top of it someone I felt was so much worse than me got it, not even somebody I respected. Looking back on auditions, it's not so unreal to me why they picked him. He wasn't a great singer, or even a good singer. But he really put himself out there when he read for the part. I thought it was over the top and completely contrary to the character, but my interpretation of the part obviously differed from the directors', who had a lot more experience for the show. And he could sing the high note. And he matched the height of the leading lady. Plus his accent, though decidedly Hispanic and not at all French (in theater it makes no difference). All of those things put together meant he was simply the best for the part. I was okay at the singing, another kid was better at acting, but this kid, though pretty lousy at both, was simply the best all-around (in the eyes of the directors).

Since there will be no reading for the part since the play is completely sung, the ability to emote through singing will be essential. That can be hard to do. Well anyway if there's one thing I've really learned it is to never rule anybody out, and no matter what happens it should be pretty interesting.

I have the rest of tonight to finish up any left-over schoolwork for the quarter and to practice more for districts, which I leave for the day after tomorrow. I leave in the morning with Mr. Smith and Patrick (the tenor who made it), we get there, we rehearse (ug), we audition that afternoon (double ug), we rehearse some more, I meet the people whose house I'll be sleeping in (hope they have a hot daughter who's never had a boy in the house before, who has been living a sheltered life and secretly aching for some sexual awakening), we rehearse some more the next day, we perform in the evening, I go back to their house (hopefully they have twins)(and a hot tub), perform again the following day, then go home (that's Saturday if you haven't been following along). Rachel will be home that weekend for her birthday, and I'll get to see her which will be great.

Tomorrow is a late start for the seniors due to everybody but seniors taking 4-sight testing. I had my own incidental late start this morning, oops. Stupid sleep, why are you so much fun.

Let's see, is that everything? I broke the news to Nikmis that I won't be doing his remix, which means he apparently doesn't read this blog (for shame, for shame). Aaand... I think that's it. Oh yeah, and my guitarist never messaged me back about meeting today, which is weird. Hopefully he messages me back about meeting tomorrow or we'll have to delay the revolution another week.

Oh, and today I was introduced to clips on Youtube from a hilarious tv show featuring a drama teacher from Australia.



Okay, that's it. Good bye.

_Dr. M