Here I Sit, No More!

Good lord... what a non-week.

I missed a post on Wednesday, not sure how that happened. Anyway, I pretty much have nothing to write. I feel like I should write. I need to write.

I should be at some stranger's house right now, but I ended up staying home from Regionals. The reasons for not going started mounting so I didn't go. Wednesday I completely lost my voice, I mean it dug a tunnel beneath the walls with a spoon and wasn't heard from again until yesterday evening. That was combined with an overall feeling of illness. Lesser reasons for staying home included not knowing the music, not really liking the director we were going to have, simply not wanting to go through the housing ordeal and spend so much time rehearsing again, and having to miss my guitar lesson as well as show up late to work on Saturday. So today and yesterday I simply slept in and goofed off. I'm not really feeling sick anymore, but I was going to be out of school today anyway and honestly... I just couldn't see the point in going in.

But this week has been overall pretty lame. I mean like I said, Sunday was amazing, but other than that, I made no new revelations, learned nothing, and spent most of my time doing diddly. Everyone has weeks like that, I think.

Tomorrow is guitar lesson and work. Sunday I meet with Khai.

The guitar is coming along, sort of. I haven't made as much progress as I wanted to this week. I can play three, maybe four chords automatically, the problem is it still takes me too long to find them, so I can't really play in time. The movements still feel awkward and unsure. Maybe this is all to be expected in your first week of playing, but I wanted to have the chords and changing between them down cold by tomorrow. I imagine the space between the progress I feel I should be making and the progress I actually am making is going to grow wider and wider as time goes on, probably because I simply expect too much out of myself, and also I have no standard to judge myself against. Is the rate I'm learning at normal?

My only real advantage in learning the guitar is the same with any instrument I might try to learn, which is that I have a pretty good idea of music, arranging, register, range, rhythm and sight-reading going in. I can focus solely on technique and getting the movements down, since basic musicianship is already innate. For instance, given the starting notes each string plays when open, I can pretty much figure out the fingering to any chord on my own. With just a little guitar theory and technique it won't be long until I'm making my own arrangements of songs (and my own songs, which I already do of course). The problem is always you don't know what you don't know, and I may be looking at a much steeper mountain to climb than I realize.

This next lesson will be very important. It's going to tell me a lot about myself as a guitar student and my teacher as a guitar teacher. Here's the progress I've made, now what's next? What can I do to help me improve beyond this point? I want to leave each week with a clear idea of how far I've come and what I'm supposed to be practicing. I have who knows how much to learn and only six months to learn it, I don't want there to be a single stagnant week where nothing is really accomplished.

I feel really stupid for not having started this whole process two years ago. It's not like I'd never wanted to learn the guitar until now. It's just now that I'm feeling motivated enough to do it.

Anyways, it's quite thankfully almost the last week in February, which means only March, then April, then May, and I'm out! of! here! Isn't it funny how regular and unchanging the passage of time is, yet certain periods of our life seem to stretch and shrink depending on how we spend them? The best times always pass the quickest, the worst stretch on for eternity. Not always, sometimes our best or most vivid memories make certain months seem a lot longer than others. But time is a very steady rhythm, a steady snare drum beat marching us towards our final destination. But the more time you spend thinking about that, the less time on earth you ultimately have for all the better, happier things.

I wanted to write about how all this week I felt like a big, unmoving blob in this chair, futilely picking away at those same damn chords every day, not going anywhere any which way. How I want to spend my time more wisely, spend less time doing nothing, make more music, feel less blah inside. This skipping of Regionals feels like a culmination of all of that. But I'm not going to write about it, I'm not going to dwell on it, because the more time I allot it, the longer it will take to move past it. This next week is going to bring new challenges and new opportunities and new songs, I'm going to grab them, hang on and not let go until I'm somewhere else besides right here.

So there.

I love Rachel. Oh, how I wish she were here. I can't be the only one who feels like he was born to be alone.

_Dr. M

An Exciting Week

I feel a little more energized this week. Maybe "energized" isn't the right word. Enthusiastic? Maybe. Well anyway, I'm excited about working on my music and learning Logic, among other things.

Wednesday the cast listing for Reading High's production of Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat will be posted after school. I have no idea what will happen. I would be happy with any of the three Josephs that sang for the part, in fact I didn't mind anybody who auditioned particularly, so I'm pretty excited about it. I'll be sure to let you all know.

I am indeed going to be representing my English class at the school-wide Poetry Out Loud competition which takes place on Thursday. I don't think I have any real competition, honestly. But I haven't seen any of the underclassmen perform, and it's quite possible one of them will completely blow me away. I don't think so though, I'm pretty confident. Confidence is key.

Then Saturday is my audition for Temple University. I'm not quite sure why I'm auditioning, I got accepted to my top choice and I'm pretty sure I'll be able to afford it, and I don't think I'm going to be accepted to Temple. But I'll go anyway, since the only things I have to do for it is get another portfolio together (this time with three songs instead of seven), show up, and interview.

We haven't mailed in the thing for UArts yet. To enroll they require a pretty hefty deposit for both tuition and for on-campus housing. We don't have to send them both in at once, though I would like to as soon as possible so I know I'll get into the dorm I want. I'm just so nervous this will still find a way to all fall apart, my mind will be much more at ease when it's all said and done and I'm enrolled and I know how I'll be paying for it.

Last weekend was County chorus. The performance wasn't that great, it was under-rehearsed and intonation was bad bad bad. It's over with, that's the most important thing. Now nothing is left in that area except for Regionals, which I'm mucho excited about. Gotta start learning that music!

Anywayz, that's about it for now. Chorus (the high school one) is really bad this semester, I think. Oh well, it's my last year.

_Dr. M

Districts, Rachel's birthday, Napenthi

Been a while since the last update! Right now it is snowing outside and it's very pretty. It's been a very cold weekend, which I like. I like how there's never anybody outside, all you have to do is step out your front door to be in complete and utter solitude.

So here's the story of the last five days. On Thursday morning me, my chorus teacher, and the tenor who made District choir drove up to Southern Lehigh where rehearsals were taking place. I liked the guest director who led the group a lot, with these festivals it can be a little hit or miss, but this guy I really liked. He was an excellent conductor, had a good personality, and really made you care about the music, which is the most important thing. People had prepared the music pretty well for the festival so in general we had two very good concerts Friday and Saturday. We got to have them in this nice big church with a real pipe organ for us to sing along with. I'll be getting a CD with Saturday's concert, and I'll probably post some of the tracks for you to hear.

As for the re-audition for regionals (which is the next level up), I lucked out and they picked a piece for the audition which I had already performed at another festival, so I had a pretty good audition and I made regionals easy. Now I have music for that to prepare in three weeks, so that will be fun.

Thinking about it almost made me want to be a choir director again, at a high school or college. Luckily that feeling didn't last long.

Saturday evening and Sunday I got to be with Rachel again, which of course was very nice. She came back for the weekend for her birthday. She didn't have a very good birthday, in fact it was really quite lame. Sunday for a party we went to her brother's house, where her brother and father watched a football game, her mother sort of lurked (she's that kind of person), and her brother and sister tried not to be bored to death. The two of us walked the dog, played with some blocks, and argued about the gift I gave her. Wednesday last week I went to the book store with my father to get her a book. I couldn't find what I was really looking for so I bought her an art book about optical illusions and visual deception. It's a very good book, but she claimed I was thinking more of myself when I bought it (because apparently I like that kind of thing more than she does). What's funny is I thought I was just buying her a good book.

No presents at all (except what I gave her) to unwrap, a tiny ice cream cake without any candles, we didn't even sing to her or anything. I don't even know if anybody else besides me and her had any cake.
Well anyway, her family is in general pretty insensitive and tend to regard each other with tepid indifference at all times. I'm always trying to tell her that, that her family is fucking weird, but she refuses to see it until something like this happens.

Back to the book. Me and Rachel have a long history of her not liking anything I buy her. She claims I don't listen to her, that even her room mate at college knows what she'd like better than I do. Last Christmas, I got her jam, a Bible with anime illustrations, and a wind chime. She didn't like any of it. But I had reasons! I got her jam because I knew how much she liked toast, she was always telling me how much she liked toast, so what goes better with toast than jam. And it was even special fancy jam. I knew she liked anime, and she didn't have a Bible, and it was a little corny but I thought maybe she'd like a combination of the two. And I thought the wind chime matched the decorations in her bedroom. I remember her telling me she disliked wind chimes, but a single tiny bell at the end hardly qualifies is as a "chime", it's more like a mobile than anything (especially if its indoors, hence no wind).

But the gift flopped hard anyway. I think she should feel lucky to get anything, I mean, it's pretty rude to complain about something somebody buys you no matter how close you are. Especially a nice big full-color book that obviously wasn't from the bargain bin. It sure is a lot nicer than what, say, her brother bought her, which was nothing. Oh well, I guess from now on I should just go with more obvious things, things I know she'll like. But it's so boring! I hate boring things.

But of course later in the evening we kissed and made up (and out) (ha ha j/k). She said at least the book will be a good distraction for me when she's busy with something and can't lavish me with the attention I so readily deserve.

She left this morning, and I look forward to seeing her again, hopefully around Valentine's Day.

If you're wondering what Napenthi is, it's the name of my new band. Well, sort of. I met with Khai the guitarist today to try and get something a little bit organized. We ironed out what songs we are going to prepare for a possible live performance on the first in two weeks (death doom destruction). He talks like he's really serious about this and knows how to play. I have my hopes, and my doubts, but there's no reason to give up before you start. Today I'm going to prepare practice tracks for him, just bass drums and chords, so when we meet this weekend he'll have his parts down slightly so we can see if we actually have something or not. I'm not going to make any judgments on the potential of this project until we've both had time to practice. Napenthi is a botched spelling of the word Nepenthe, which is a mythological drug of forgetfulness. I may need some Nepenthe after this week.

This week being school show auditions and all. I've been trying to let my voice rest yesterday and today, since it was pretty well tired after singing all day Thursday and Friday. Tomorrow is a half day, we get out at like noon (for the end of the semester), and then we'll have to come back for auditions at three. During that time I'm going to practice the song and make sure I can still sing it. It is very high, mind you. I'm a little anxious to have it over with. With any luck I won't get a good part and I won't have to do the show, or I'll get the lead. One or the other would be ideal. I kind of hope the directors don't read this blog.

That's all for now. I think I'm going to go watch the snow.

_Dr. M