A Slight Change of Heart

Today was the sign-ups for auditions for the school show. I went in thinking I was going to audition, but probably not get a good part, and if that was the case I wasn't going to be in it. But I've had a change of attitude after today's meeting. We discussed the audition procedures (they're next week), which I already knew, and we went over the songs we'd have to choose from to sing. I knew I didn't have a shot at Joseph, with my range it was out of the question. At least, everyone generally assumed it was and I was fine with that, there was at least one other guy who could sing it.

But as it turns out, all of the songs the guys have to pick from (and there are plenty of them) are too high. They all go up to high Es or Fs, I can't really do any of them comfortably. But oddly enough, the song that's easiest for me is one of Joseph's, Close Every Door. The few high Fs it has are placed within the phrase such that you could fudge them without sounding too bad. Don't get me wrong... you do sing them... but they're not in a place where you hold them out a really long time and get a lot of applause (like it is in some of the other songs). I can sing this song and sound pretty good.

Along with that, my experience from last year taught me what the directors are looking for when casting. I was trying to be subtle when I auditioned, understating lines and giving small gestures, but they don't want subtlety, they want you to put your heart and soul into it and ham it up. I get the feeling this isn't just what they want -it's simply how you act on stage. I don't know why it's taken me this long to learn that. Anyway, let's be honest, I can act circles around almost every person auditioning. If I go in there, sing my heart out, and emote as well as I can, who knows, I may actually have a shot at the lead.

I do this every year, I put silly ideas in my head about how I might be just what they're looking for and all of my short-comings will be overlooked. Every year I end up disappointed, and feel very stupid for thinking I had any chance at all. Well, last year I thought I was a shoe-in, I was so sure either me or one or two other people would get it, and I was very severely mistaken. Of course I still think I should have gotten it, I would have done a much better job than who they picked, but looking back I'm sure my audition really wasn't very good, or at all the best I could have done. In any case, I'm sure I'll look back on this post in two weeks and feel very stupid for thinking I had a chance.

But I think I have a chance. There are only so many other people who could sing the part at all (not many guys are auditioning), and I think I have a leg up on each of them. Once again I think (pretty damn sure) I'm the best actor of them, and with any luck that will come through in my audition. The one who could sing it best is too short and tiny to ever play a lead, which is really too bad since he could do a good job, I think. The boy who played the lead tenor role last year has lost a little of his upper range, and is very stiff on stage. I think he's my best competition, but it all comes down to singing. If I hit those high Fs convincingly, I think I have it in the bag. Then there's the kid who's played the funny roles the last two years, who really wants (and probably thinks he's going to get) it. I like him, he's a really nice guy, a fairly okay singer and a pretty good actor. And it's obvious the directors like him. But he doesn't sing like I can, and he has about the same range I do, he can't really belt high notes any better than I can. He has no real advantage over me, best I can tell.

I know I probably sound pretty full of myself. Don't get me wrong, I am. But don't get to thinking I'm all that gifted a thespian either. Reading High School provides very little competition when it comes to guys, you don't have to be good to get far. Anybody who's reading this is probably laughing, knowing a) the last thing I've demonstrated in the last three years is any kind of range I can actually use and b) they've never given me anything even slightly resembling a lead, and they're not good at breaking traditions like that. But judging purely from my own assessment of how I sounded singing the song today, I honestly think I have a shot.

Last year has been something very much on my mind ever since it happened. I hated the kid who played the lead last year. But now, being able to distance myself a little bit from it, I think a lot of my intense, passionate rage was simply due to me not getting the part, when I thought I could have done a really good job, and on top of it someone I felt was so much worse than me got it, not even somebody I respected. Looking back on auditions, it's not so unreal to me why they picked him. He wasn't a great singer, or even a good singer. But he really put himself out there when he read for the part. I thought it was over the top and completely contrary to the character, but my interpretation of the part obviously differed from the directors', who had a lot more experience for the show. And he could sing the high note. And he matched the height of the leading lady. Plus his accent, though decidedly Hispanic and not at all French (in theater it makes no difference). All of those things put together meant he was simply the best for the part. I was okay at the singing, another kid was better at acting, but this kid, though pretty lousy at both, was simply the best all-around (in the eyes of the directors).

Since there will be no reading for the part since the play is completely sung, the ability to emote through singing will be essential. That can be hard to do. Well anyway if there's one thing I've really learned it is to never rule anybody out, and no matter what happens it should be pretty interesting.

I have the rest of tonight to finish up any left-over schoolwork for the quarter and to practice more for districts, which I leave for the day after tomorrow. I leave in the morning with Mr. Smith and Patrick (the tenor who made it), we get there, we rehearse (ug), we audition that afternoon (double ug), we rehearse some more, I meet the people whose house I'll be sleeping in (hope they have a hot daughter who's never had a boy in the house before, who has been living a sheltered life and secretly aching for some sexual awakening), we rehearse some more the next day, we perform in the evening, I go back to their house (hopefully they have twins)(and a hot tub), perform again the following day, then go home (that's Saturday if you haven't been following along). Rachel will be home that weekend for her birthday, and I'll get to see her which will be great.

Tomorrow is a late start for the seniors due to everybody but seniors taking 4-sight testing. I had my own incidental late start this morning, oops. Stupid sleep, why are you so much fun.

Let's see, is that everything? I broke the news to Nikmis that I won't be doing his remix, which means he apparently doesn't read this blog (for shame, for shame). Aaand... I think that's it. Oh yeah, and my guitarist never messaged me back about meeting today, which is weird. Hopefully he messages me back about meeting tomorrow or we'll have to delay the revolution another week.

Oh, and today I was introduced to clips on Youtube from a hilarious tv show featuring a drama teacher from Australia.



Okay, that's it. Good bye.

_Dr. M